Sunday, November 15, 2009

Just Worrying

My kitchen has been finished for six weeks, so I haven't felt compelled to write anything until this morning. As I sat in my bed, propped by pillows and surrounded by AP English analysis essays, I was prompted by a story on the Sunday Morning Today program to journal some of my feelings, more specifically some of the things I've been worrying about.

Beginning last Sunday, November 8, worries seem to overwhelm me. I'm just going to identify some of these worries since I can't tell too many details about some of these concerns.

1. My Job. Can I keep reading essays for the next 15 years?  Is there something else I can do with my education, specialized training, and skills?

Even though these questions crop up frequently, and I have even investigated earning some kind of law degree, I can't imagine doing anything else other than teaching. Am I just in a rut? Or is teaching my life's calling?

2. My House. Will I stay here the rest of my life? Would I be able to sell this house now that I have a kitchen of my dreams? Will I end up living in Cedar City without my children close by? Would I move somewhere else if the "perfect job" became available?

3.  My Children. Where will Julie and Corey go to further their education? Will they find jobs after they earn PhD degrees? Will Jason be deployed again if he reenlists in the National Guard? How will Rachel and Robbie get along without him? Will he be safe? How often will I see my grandchildren, whom I love so much? Will Kevin stay in Vernal or ever move back to Cedar City? How would he make a living if he does move back here?

4.  My Finances. Why do I spend so much money and save so little? How can I ever afford to retire? Does it even make a difference to save for retirement?

5.  My Weight. Why am I eating so much again? Am I doomed to be heavy for the rest of my life? Obviously, if I keep eating this way, I will be heavy! So why don't/can't I do something differently?

These are all the questions racing through my mind in the past week, since November 8. Can you imagine what I found to worry about before last Sunday? And for the next week?